there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Alive.
So much puke
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
