walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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