Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
