Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
