So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
