girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
