Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
