I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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