The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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