Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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