If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize