When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
