I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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