Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize