That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
