While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
