there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
