so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Farmville is her only friend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
