I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
