We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
