is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
