At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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