The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
