i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I will be naked everywhere
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
