I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
