i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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