I'm eating all of the evidence.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
