Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
