Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Vodka?
Forever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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