Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
