He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ttyl tear gas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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