mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This baby is an asshole
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
