My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
