just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
