My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
