I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
