I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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