A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize