Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
