Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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