Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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