is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
