The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
