my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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