I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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