dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
