Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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