i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
