you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
