I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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