I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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